My Tribute to Nathan

This is the tribute that I wrote for Nathan and read to everyone at his Memorial Service.  The day after he passed away, I knew that when the time came for his service, I would want to go up and say something.  I knew I had to -- for Nathan. I wanted to tell everyone about what a wonderful baby he was and how he was such a miracle.  I didn't know how I would be able to go up and speak at his service, but somehow I found the strength because it was all for him...




        Miguel and I were both born on the 30th of the month.  Miguel's birthday is April 30th and mine is November 30th.  I remember I used to think that this was more than just a coincidence, like somehow we were meant for each other. We were soulmates.  So I took it as a further sign when our daughter, Elizabeth was born on October 3rd and then our son, Michael was born on January 23rd.  We all have the number 3 in our birthdays.

         When I was pregnant with Nathan I used to wonder what his birthday would be and if he too would have the number 3 in his birthday.  Sure enough, Nathan was born on May 30th and we are here celebrating his life today on June 30th. So it seems that the number 3 is our lucky number.

         On the day Nathan was born, a doctor came to my hospital room to talk to Miguel and me.  He told us about how hard it had been to resuscitate Nathan and that although they were able to stabilize him, there were potentially so many things that could be wrong with him as a result of Nathan being born so early.  When the doctor finally left, I just broke down.  Miguel stopped me and said, "Jolene, remember what we talked about.  I know he's gonna be OK.  Don't listen to the doctor.  We need to be strong for our son.  He's here, he made it."

         At that point, I told myself that no matter what any doctor told me about Nathan's prognosis, I wasn't going to dwell on it or worry because it didn't matter.  I knew that my God was capable of miracles.  I knew that this was also a test of my faith and I was determined to stay strong.  I promised God that I would not falter.

         A few days later I came across a bible passage that directly spoke to me and to the promise I had made to God,

                   "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know."            -- Jeremiah 33:3

This passage is from Jeremiah 33:3,  all 3s, our lucky number. I knew that God had spoken to me through this passage and was letting me know that He had heard me.  I would read this passage often, especially when I felt discouragement coming on.  I called it, "Nathan's passage."

         Nathan did amazing things while he was here with us.  Just the way that Nathan had been born truly was a miracle.  At 18 weeks pregnant, our world was turned upside down, when at a routine ultrasound, we discovered that my cervix, the thing keeping Nathan inside of me, had shortened to just half a centimeter.  And when my water broke and I was already dilated at 22 weeks pregnant, the doctors told us that my body would go into labor most likely that night or if not, then surely within 3 days and that our baby would not survive.  They told us that they wouldn't even try to save him once he was born because he was just too young.  The earliest that any medical interventions could be done was 24 weeks.

         Miguel and I were devastated.  It killed us to think that our baby wouldn't even be given the chance to live.  Miguel and I prayed for our baby and asked God to let our baby have a chance.  We wanted our baby to know how much we loved him.  And somehow, to my doctor's surprise, I didn't go into labor until almost 2 weeks later and Nathan was born at exactly 24 weeks. . . and he was perfect.

         All the things that his doctor said could have been wrong with him, well, he didn't have any of it.  His head ultrasounds were negative for any brain hemorrhages.  And when he had a valve open in his heart, and we thought he might need surgery, the valve closed on its own after only 3 days of medication.  Nathan's nurses and doctors would always tell us about how he didn't seem like a regular 24 week old baby.  They said he moved, and kicked, and opened his eyes, and looked around, when most babies his age would just sleep because they didn't have the energy to do anything else.  There was one day that Nathan learned how to stick his tongue out and for the rest of that day, he kept showing off this new skill for his mommy and daddy.

         So although we are sad because we miss Nathan, we also have some peace in knowing that God heard our prayers when Miguel and I prayed for God to give Nathan a chance to live.  Nathan miraculously held on until I was 24 weeks pregnant so that he could do all the things we asked for.  God allowed Nathan to come and we were lucky to spend almost a month with him.  A month of the best days we could have asked for.  We got to see him, and hold him, and kiss him, and tell him how much we love him.

         So we can't ask why or wonder what-if, because we already know that it is only through God's grace that Nathan was able to be here with us at all.  I feel as though I may already know some of God's reasons and the purpose for Nathan's life. . .

He came to show us true strength and true love. . .

He came to remind us to love and appreciate our children, and our family and friends. . .

Most importantly though, he came to show us how to believe in miracles. . . ♥♥♥