One Month

It's been one month since the worst day of my life.

One month since I got the phone call telling us to get to the hospital as soon as possible,

one month since my beautiful baby got his angel wings,

one month since I held Nathan in my arms,

one month since I've been at Kaiser Hospital in Fontana, after being there everyday,

one month since we last saw Nurse Ralph, the nurse who allowed me and encouraged me to hold Nathan for the first time even though I was nervous,

one month since we brought all of Nathan's things home from the hospital,

one month of accepting that God had a plan for Nathan, that God has a plan for us,

but still, one month of wishing that things could have turned out differently,

one month of talking to other strong women who share this pain, and who help to make this pain bearable.

One month that has felt like a lifetime.