November 30, 2011

What a difference a year makes.   You can be in one spot in your life and then something can happen or something changes, and a year later, you can be in a totally different spot.

Last year, all I wanted for my birthday was a camera.

My old camera had been broken, so I mentioned getting a new one to Mig and sure enough, he bought me a camera for my birthday.  A really nice one.

I was thinking about this yesterday, and I began to scold myself for how materialistic this birthday wish was. . .

I had it all, and yet somehow I still wanted a camera, because I thought I needed one?

But then I thought about how, with this camera, Mig was able to capture a video that is over 20 minutes long of me holding Nathan for the first time.

It's a beautiful memory.  I was only supposed to hold him for about half an hour, because we weren't sure how Nathan would react to being out of his isolette for the first time but he was doing so well, and his breathing and temperature were so steady that 1/2 an hour turned into 1 hour, then 1 hour turned into an hour and a half. 

I sat in a rocking chair, with Nathan on my chest, covered with warm blankets, not wanting to really move or even talk because I didn't want to disturb him.  In the video you can hear Mig and our nurse Ralph, talking and laughing.

You can even hear Mig and me joking about how my mom was going to bust into the NICU at any minute, just like the mother from "Everybody Loves Raymond," because my mom had been in the waiting room for so long, and Nathan could only have 2 visitors at a time. Since Mig didn't want to miss a minute of me holding Nathan, my mom stood in the waiting room for way longer than we expected.  

As I sat there in the rocking chair with Nathan. I could feel his tiny hands against my chest, and he moved them every so often.   His hands were so small, they felt like little butterflies brushing against my skin.  Almost 2 weeks after he'd been born, I finally got to carry him and feel him in my arms.

It was beautiful.  It was heaven on earth.

And I have this moment on film.

(Here's a screen capture from the video. )

So maybe last year's birthday wish really gave me the gift of capturing a memory I didn't know I would want and need to have at the time. 

A memory that I will treasure always.

So today is my birthday, but since God wanted to make sure that we would always remember Nathan,  (which is a given), and since He allowed us to share this special day,

Nathan also turns 6 months old in heaven today. 

It's been 6 months since he was born on May 30, Memorial Day this year.  It's been 6 months since he graced our lives with the presence of his powerful little life.

Happy 6 month birthday, our little champ.   We love you so very much.